If Only

I sit here, breaking up a sweat thinking about you.
If only I did this, If only I did that. If only I knew the right words to say but everytime I saw you my words got chased away. Now that your no where to be found. I am dying to see you around every corner I turn. I am anxious obsesssed, It is unhealthy I can't rest. What happened! What did I do wrong,  I was so sure you were the one. I am broken twisted and for some reason I thought you were a sign from god. We were a match made in heaven! We could have had it all, like that adele song! I don't understand I am so confused, why did you blush when I met you. Why did you ignore me when I texted you. What was I supposed to do. I didn't know what to say or how to express myself you don't feel something this real everyday. I didn't want to freak you out because I hate it when people hover around me like a cloud.
I am just begging for a moment. One moment with you where I can establish myself as not a fool but as a chief, a guardian, a lover, and someone who is kind of cool. I am a king without a crown all I needed was you. We could have everything happiness divinity it was ours for the taking but I wasn't ready something was not right. I guess this is what happens when you try and control your own life.

I don't even care what I am writing anymore, It's like something went amiss in my head and I am lost stuck in a cloud that couldn't make it off the ocean floor. I am trying to make sense of things but nothing make sense. My head is confused with all the scents all the beautiful daisies, the beautiful girls. There are millions of them in this world. I know I could probably fall in love with anyone of them but why do I keep getting stuck on you. God release me of this curse. Fuck you cupid, I'm going to stab you, LOVE HURTS!

After you I don't want love, I just want to play in the sun. Make out with the boys, make out with some girls, be promiscous explore the world. I thought we could have had it all and now I just want to have fun celebrate because I am still young! I was not ready to fall in love. Love hurts, It's not for everyone, You don't learn about it in school.

So where ever you are tonight. Your probably alone, we both are alone, This I know because your boyfriend is away no where to be found. I hope you call me and give me a chance. Talk to me laugh with me give me all you got!

good night my angel! I hope you sleep tight! And if it's not you that is my destiny then god show me the light because the signs were all pointing to you but now I'm just dazed and confused. someone help me please!!

I have been in a deep reflection for the past year.. and its hard growing up and healing all of the pain

move on from the past no matter how hard always treat people with love even though deep inside they hurt you soo and you want revenge!! forgive them and know that they did not know how their actions affected you and even if they did.. don't stay on the ground at thier level lift your self and move on from the pain of your past so that you can lead them.. Its been a hard year of soul searching and figuring out who i really am. I've learned what has made me who I am and I know that I always have room for improvement first step forgive in the fullness of my being. since i have so many negative SOCIAL memories based on my childhood in ABQ. the past 6 months  b4 i moved i was so quiet and angry. i am over it.. SCHOOL IS over.. time to be big boys.. I love you ABQ and our relationship will get better i swear of it!!

Homless band family...

So I explored DT LA today and on the subway ride back to SO, there was a homeless family. The dad had a guitar, one of the sons had a party whistle and some symbols, and the other had drums. They were performing a very well rehearsed version of John Lennon- All you need is love. I could tell the family was drugged up on something, their eyes were all over the place. So it was sad but at the same time it was really cute, they were very talented. I really wish I could have done more then just enjoy their amazing music.. God Bless THEM!! I sent as much positive energy as I could! Is there a program I can direct them to to get them help??

rawr

i am like a lost electron without a neutron right now unstable and withering
i need a neutron to come balance me =)
like ying and yang
i am ying without the yang

theorists professional ass bitchers piss me off

theorist and all these "genius" scientist who develop new ideas to make the world a better place are just professional bitchers. COLLEGE and school were developed to make society better and to train workers to work and develop new technologies. College isn't about your theories and your trippy ass pathagoryms. make society better! don't corrupt it with your antiestablishment bullshit ass theories

Life, Love, and the pursuit of... rainbows and freedom =)

people are so stupid.. our problems are shit.. get over yourself!!  stop complaining about the stupid things in your fabulous ass life and get over yourself... if you are the defintion of fabulous i want to be trash. and people who bitch about america are fucking annoying if you don't like it go live in a third world country. Be thankful bitches and stop bitching and savor that energy to make the world a better place. send love to those who need it. energy is wasted when you complain and bitch!! use it to be productive and to create. be positive and ps i don't wanna hear your opinions about the things you hate and dislike. tell me what you love and what you enjoy. the world is far too beautiful to complain. there is to much to enjoy!!

First Ever Blog.. thoughts about the pope, jesus, god, and perfection

So I was sitting in bed and I couldn't fall asleep. I was rolling around bed thinking about my past and dreaming about my future.
Then this thought came along and I wanted to write it down.
So I decided to create a blog..
here is the thought

I was not born to be the next pope. I couldn't imagine the burdens laid upon that man, could you? Daym now that is some pressure. I am happy to be me. I have made many mistakes in my life, mistakes that I am perfectly proud of because I've learned from them and moved on. They have made me stronger.
What I don't understand is our societies worship of perfection. Everyone wants to be perfect and everyone feels ashamed or insecure when they can not live up to these standards of perfection. I just don't understand why as human beings, we tend to worship perfect figures, even though we will never be perfect. This imperfection is something that every human being knows as their personal truth.
Now what people need to realize is that they will never be perfect, like the character "god" Jesus Christ. Whom I am a huge follower of. I'm his fan on facebook! I love Jesus Christ!!! Jesus is a perfect figure that we all worship and we use him as an example to judge other human beings imperfection. He is an institution across the globe. The most famous person in hollywood and he has no physical evidence of existence except for the drawings we see in the churches.

I see Jesus as a measure for my own self improvement. I look up to him as if a big brother. I want to be like him. I want to spread love and help people realize that they have the holy spirit living in them. Like buddhists, I believe we all have a little "buddha" living in is. We were born with this buddha! It is not a gift given by Jesus. Jesus is the mere key to awakening and understanding that a person needs to judge themselves. For we are our only judges. We are the only ones in 100% control of our actions.
What a lot of christians do is use Jesus as a filter an excuse to pray and just let their burdens fall in to the hands of another. Jesus, as in the concept of perfection, is the key to unlocking your own self. People tend to use Jesus to Judge other peoples life when really the whole point of jesus is to judge your own life. To dig deep within and judge yourself and find the things in your life that don't live up to perfection and work on them meditate fix those things.. So you can find heaven, or happiness.
Everyone wants happiness. heaven = happiness
we can have heaven on earth if you create it in your life..
You have to pick yourself up after every mistake and once you've learned your lesson you can not keep making the same choices. For if you keep making the same mistakes you will realize by living and learning. That every action has a consequence and you reape what you sow. You always reape what you sow, and this is because god gave each of us the gift of creation. If you create dysfunction and anger you are going to receive dysfunction and anger until you start making changes and create function and happiness.
 You have to reinvent yourself, revamp your life find new things that bring you enjoyment. This earth is like a buffet of happiness there is soo much happiness to go around it is never ending. There are hobbies, musicals, plays, arts, poets, beautiful sunsets, beaches, mountains, streams, and palm trees. FIND THE THINGS THAT TURN YOU ON AND ENJOY THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE AND ENJOY THE PLANET THAT GOD GIFTED us We can have heaven on earth!! Its in your mind.. SEARCH deep in your life and find it, always strive for perfection but realize that we are imperfect!

Here is a thought what if god is imperfect?!? Like an artist he creates things. There are mistakes and there are good things. But the mistakes are never really mistakes because you will learn with time that every bad event turns into a good one. Either through a realization or a lesson learned. So really there is no bad!! NO BAD! because everything is bad is good. Its like ying and yang. God is good god is evil god is imperfect god is everything. WE are god, he lives among us.

The whole point to life is the journey to perfection.
you fall down you get back up..
you keep moving. you realize that you grow with every mistake.
With every lesson you become closer to the manifestation of god or jesus christ because you become more perfect. I believe that by the time I am dead, I will be almost perfect, and maybe when i go through the tunnel, I will realize the one thing and after i die.. in the next world.. I am one with god.. one with jesus.. one with perfection. I am a star shining bright back at the world.. I am floating around the universe, flying through mars, exploring the universe.... always strive for the light of christ.. The light of perfection.. always move up and forward not back.. Move on from every lesson.. Always re-evaluate your life.. =)
be thankful for every curse and every blessing!!! For everything happens for a reason there are no coincidences!! you are the creator of your life.. you have the choice to create beauty and happiness or misery and hell and ugliness.

haha just a thought..
now i need to go to bed..
I'm supposed to go hiking at 6 in the morning.. =p